Hellooo '10s (aka re-90s)

So, I just realized that ringing in 2010 and the start of a new decade means bringing back the 90s!  Yup, the ‘00s meant the 80s were the retro thang, which was AWESOME for me coz the 80s were effin WICKED.  “But Aimee,” you interrupt, pondering the fact that I’m an ’87 baby.  Yeah yeah, I know what you’re thinking… but no seriously, I know the 80s rocked coz I partied hard with River Phoenix in my past life.  Halloween 87 musta been one helluva rave for me to OD like that… but s’all good coz I got reborn just in time to catch the next episode of Alf.  And Growing Pains.
 
So ya, thanks 00s for letting me relive the 80s what with my shutter shades, bangles, off the shoulder cut-off tees, leg warmers, wristbands and side ponytails.  Oh also, it really helped having the 80s be the retro fad since I have giant hair and always will.
 
As much fun as that was, reliving the 90s is gonna be supa-fly and I am sooo excited coz frankly, I ain’t never left it behind.  All through university, when they’d randomly play a 90s novelty song at some pub or whatever people would be all “Omigosh, ‘Jump Around’?!” or “Dayam, ‘Bust a Move’?!” or “Say what, ‘Push It’?!  I haven’t heard this song in ages!”  I’d be the only one thinking to myself, “Oh snap, this just came on my mp3 player this morning!”
 
Let’s get one thing straight people: “Shoop” is my muthaluvin ANTHEM.  I been bustin those rhymes since the song came out and haven’t stopped yet.  Proof, on my Facebook there’s definitely a video of me busting it out to some sweet djembe… last March.
 
If you didn’t realize that this is the decade that the 90s are supposed to be coming back… you probably haven’t noticed it already slowly happening what with the ridiculous novelty songs that are playing on Top 40 hit radio stations.  Yo, I don’t even know who does that Hall & Oates ‘Rich Girl’ cover, but  “clink, cheers” and “saw you on my Facebook profile” are definitely not your run-of-the-mill mainstream hits we’ve been used to in the past 10-20 years.  I don’t eeeeeeeeven need to mention Tik Tok, I think I ran enough of that in a previous blog entry.  Oh and the Lady Gaga outfits?  Isn’t that just reminiscent of when Cher came back in the 90s and people were like, “what’s she doing with straws coming outta her head?” At very least Lady Gaga’s novelty outfits must have at least reminded you of Flava Flav craziness back in the day?
 
Also, Saturday Night Live is just starting to get funny again!  This hasn’t happened since the 93-94 cast… oh how I miss the days of Chris Farley interviewing Paul McCartney or Chippendale dancing next to Patrick Swayze, or Mike Myers strapped to a jungle gym or sitting in a bathtub with Danny DeVito showing ‘drawww-rings’.  And even if you don’t say it out loud, you know sometime in the past couple of years you’ve thought Andy Samberg is just a remixed Adam Sandler SNL circa 1994.  People are just remembering how much they enjoyed musical spoofs.
 
Speaking of which, musical theatre and talent shows are also reaching their fad peak as they did in the 90s. All of a sudden we’re seeing things like High School Musical, Nine, and Glee.  Remember when it was cool to sport a Cats t-shirt, or know the entire score of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat?  Okay, maybe not “cool” but frighteningly commonplace.  
 
Idol and ’s Got Talent and So You Think You Can Dance is a callback to Star Search.  We all know the winners of these competitions will usually be destined to fade into oblivion just like 4 Boys And A Babe.  Who? Exactly.  Oh, but for the select few who move on to have a thriving career may go crazy after a few years and start marrying douchebags who think they can rap, having two babies with said douchebag, then nearly dropping said babies in front of paparazzi, then finally cracking under the pressure and shaving off all her hair.  Nyiii.  Ooh!  But then maybe she’ll stage a huge comeback at the dawn of the new decade releasing some decent clubbing tunes but by then you’ll be too ashamed to admit you like that stuff coz c’mon, it’s Whitney Grears (name changed to protect the artist).
 
Ohhhhhh 90s bubblegum popstars.  That’s what I’m looking forward to… seeing what’s gonna come out of the woodwork.  We already got the Jonas Brothers.  But I see your 1 one boyband and 1 member who has decided to go solo… and raise you Justin Bieber.  Wow, who knew the reincarnation of a 10 year old Aaron Carter would actually have talent.  Kudos my little Stratford munchkin.  He’s the little Youtuber that could *tear*
 
At this point, you can’t tell whether I’m praising or sarcastically bashing people… but lemme tell ya, neither can I.  Come on, we all have our secret guilty pleasure soft-spot for mainstream fluff.  As I’ve typed this, a multitude of 90s teeny-pop has come up on my iPod… ‘Back Here’ by BB Mac (not to be confused with ‘Back for Good’ by Gary Barlow and crew… I don’t remember what that 90s boyband was called- but basically it’s that video that I’m sure y’all tucked away in the back of your mind that’s in black and white and it’s raining).  Oh, this one’s a good one- ‘Sunrise Goodbye’ did Take 5 even have a hit single?  That’s sad.  Oh, they shouldn’t be confused with 5ive- which, I still argue should have been pronounced “five-ive”.  Oh and of COURSE, some classic BSB.  Actually, the Jonas Brothers used to open for the Backstreet Boys… so maybe regurgitating 90s pop is a vicious cycle being perpetuated by the music industry and every generation is destined (or doomed) to live through a decade of teeny-bop pop! GASPFACE!  Wait, so who opens for the Jonas Brothers now?  Honor Society?  Oh snap, apparently your kids will make that a household name in 20 years.
 
Bwaaaha!  You won’t believe it, but LFO just came up on my iPod! Remember them? Ya, me neither.
 
You might be wondering what suddenly inspired this thought process.  Well, slap this on Craigslist Missed Connections if you’ve been hating this rant, coz it’s all thanks to Girl on TTC Bathurst 7 bus wearing Spice Girl platform shoes!  I’m talkin’ the ones that are 4 inches thick all the way around with no semblance of a heel.  It basically looks like she glued a foam brick to the bottom of her sole.
 
Oh man, so many things spell classic 90s, which leads me to wonder… what stands out in the 00’s?  When it comes time for the 00’s to be the “Retro” revisit, how will we know the 00’s are back?
 


Classic 90s:
80s spillovers: fluorescent clothing spillover, family sitcom spillover, the most awesome rock ballads known to man spillover, old skool rap spillover (Gangsta's Paradise, WUT. I did my gymnastics floor routine to that tune, bitch)

Alllll 90s:
pastel-coloured velvet-y tops, novelty songs (think Sir Mixalot, Salt n Pepa), boybands, tweeny pop ruled the charts, baggy pants, said baggy pants WITH chain, said baggy pants with chain AND Caterpillar construction boots, exposed midriff, tying t-shirt into a knot at the bottom, or using a plastic belt buckle to create the same effect, for lazy adults or incompetent kids, scrunchies, stretchy headbands, plastic stretchy headbands with the link at the back, butterfly clips, mood rings, flare pants... I should talk about guy stuff now, or at least unisex stuff... WWF pre-World Wildlife Fund dilemma, Are You Afraid of the Dark, wearing sports team merchandise, wearing your hat backwards, then sideways, then at a 45-degree angle, overalls (yeah, we all regret that one), neck chains, Tommy Hilfiger (before he went onto Oprah and the world discovered he was racist), plaid shirts (mmm baby I am SO glad it's back, WHOA!), wearing said plaid shirts around your waist, ripped knee jeans (okay, basically I'm just describing Joey Lawrence on Blossom), motorcycle jackets *drool* the list goes on, but it gets too sexy from here on in, so just wait for it. Re-90s. Coming to you in 10...11...12...

My Very Sexy Christmas: brought to me by the letter ‘J’

WTF? Was the response to the title of this blog entry when I posted it on Twitter/Facebook status. Ha now that I think about it, ya it totally just made sense in my head… so I shall explain…

How this all began was with a car accident I was in on Christmas Eve. Ya, I know, shitty deal. I worked a half-day so that I could pick up groceries I needed for a dinner I was hosting that evening. Go figure, the ONE time I’ve ever put a cake on my backseat I get rear-ended by some guy going full speed down a steep hill (if any of y’all know Bathurst and Davenport, y’know what I’m talking about, that is one crazy-ass incline!). Since I was at a full stop waiting to turn left, I got the fuuuuuulllllllllllll impact.

Needless to say, the cake was messsssssssed up. I didn’t think that I could take it, though I didn’t bake it, I’m pretty sure I’ll never have that recipe again… oh noooooooooo ♪

Uhhh. Where was I? Ah yes, the damage to the cake, like the damage to my body I didn’t notice til I got home. I was in so much shock driving home (it was my first accident), I was shaking so badly I didn’t notice the pain until I got home about 20 minutes later. It shoulda taken 5 minutes, but guess what happened driving home from the accident? The dude IN FRONT of me got into an accident with the dude in front of HIM! Seriously people, God forbid the weather should dip down below 0, and all of a sudden you forget how to drive.

Speeeeeeeeeeaking of God… so the freaky part was right before my accident, in line checking out at the grocery store the rock solid crucifix I was wearing randomly broke, fell to the ground and shattered. My thought right then: “Oh. That can’t be a good sign.” Oh and then when I got home, I passed by this framed Santo Nino which then proceeded to fall, slamming onto my dresser on top of a rosary, the impact caused the chain of the rosary to break which made that fall onto the ground too. Ooooh, trifecta (or trinity, if you will) of bad baddddd religious signs.

Basically I was agoraphobic for the following week. Not that I would’ve been able to go out and about anyways… I was pretty much bedridden from the pain. Ended up in the hospital on Boxing Day AND New Years Eve (during the day).

So basicallyyy because of all of that, all I was able to really do was watch a ridiculous amount of TV and movies, and it just seemed like there was a running theme: the letter J. And what a sexy theme it was: JB, James Franco, John Cusack, Jensen & Jared, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Christmas Day:
- Jonas Brothers kick off the Disney World Christmas Party
- Simultaneously, We Day is getting replayed with the Jonas Brothers as surprise guests

Boxing Day:
- James Franco in Spiderman 3 induces some serious sexy feelings… oh, and then some serious contemplation about the deeper meaning of my accident and how God is probably smiting me

Post Christmas:
- Watched High Fidelity with Dragana which made me wanna Get It On with John Cusack
- Jensen & Jared in one of my favourite episodes of Supernatural where they get stuck in the world of Dr. Sexy MD
- Jonas marathon on the Family Channel
- Watched 500 Days of Summer with Dragana, a movie that’s ending wrapped up the end of the year perfectly, oh, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt made My Dreams Come True
- Replay of Joseph Gordon-Levitt hosting SNL? What a coincidence…

To anyone else, all of my little experiences this holiday and the movies I happened to watch which caused me to link other things together all would seem like a coincidence, but of course to me who reads into things too much, coincidence doesn’t exist. All that exists is the universe trying to tell me something… but thank goodness it came in a sexy package. A sexy package of Js!

You may have already picked up some of the references, but My Very Sexy Christmas brought to me by the letter J has definitely inspired some musical musings in my crazy imagination… check out my YouTube Channel for the result: www.youtube.com/villagepandamusic

Friday Nonsense... theeeen some great news!

Where is my knight in shining armour? i.e. Adam Sandler in a hockey jersey and sweatpants, or Adam Sandler in a Hawaiian shirt and coolats, or Adam Sandler with a mullet serenading me to The Cure… okay so basically the common denominator is a goofy guy in cuddle-ready attire who has a secret soft spot for 80s love ballads.  Coz basically, all I’m longing to do right now is a) find that elusive “knight in shining armour” b) curl up with him and c) stay nestled in his arms listening to “Endless Love” in the dark.  I think Adam Sandler would dig that.  If he wasn’t married.  But he is, and he ain’t no Tiger.  Actually, Tiger ain’t no Tiger either.  He’s a Cheetah. BWAAAAAAAHA!

Hoo boy, I need a stiff drink.  I’ve needed one since Wednesday.  Coz everyday this week felt like a Monday… except for today.  Coz it’s FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

I woke up in the morning feelin like P Diddy.  So tonight, imma get TIPsyyyyyy… I’M talking bout e’erbody getting crunk crunk, boys try to touch my junk junk ♪♪♪ 

Sadly, the boys that try to touch my junk aren’t knight-in-shining-armour-cuddle-worthy.  Actually, they’re usually pretty skeevy… if they should get past the “try” stage and actually succeed in touching, I’d prolly gotta Purell my junk.  Scratch that, One Step that shit.  One Step has wonderfully delightful scents such as Cucumber Melon (that’s my faaaaaaaaaavourite).  Haha, I just envisioned Cucumber Melon smelling junk… now THAT’S what I call bootylicious.

Oh okay, so I should probably mention something relevant in this blog that was created for the purposes of pimping out my YouTube Channel www.youtube.com/villagepandamusic so here it is: I’m currently working on a few NEW songs.  GASPFACE, simultaneously, I know.  That is how I like to finish.

Ya, so these “new songs” are actually just going to be me wrapping up songs that have had loose ends since circa 2003… that’s right, since I was 16.  All of them are very different sounds, so you’ll get to see verrrrrrry different sides of me--- I mean, not that you didn’t already, T-Dot State of Mind was a pleasant shock to some… but to those that know me very well that was just classic Aimee.

Just to clear something up that I twittered the other day (www.twitter.com/villagepanda)… no, I don’t actually believe I’m falling ass backwards into a rap career, that was clearly jokes after “T-Dot” and coz I’m now working with a beatsmaster (holla at ma boiiiiiii http://www.reverbnation.com/unknownartistx). 

Buuuuut I must thank everyone for the success of my T-Dot State of mind video, wow I was blown away by the attention that lil vid garnered, from random KISS 92.5 fans (one kid even posted it on the KISS 925 Facebook Fan Page!) and even a comment from ROZ WESTON himself… I was honoured- thanks everyone!  For real, I am so blessed that that video allowed me to express something that means a lot to me, something I’ve always been a huge advocate for...not wearing pants.

That’s my rant.  Imma try to make this blog thing weekly… but in the meantime, watch out for more tunes on my Youtube Channel!

VP. Out.

BAM! BOO! The Village Panda has arrived...

So I created this blog to fully integrate myself in the world of social networking in order to pimp out my Youtube Channel www.youtube.com/villagepandamusic

Yesterday, I reached #17 Most Subscribed Canadian Musician This Month, having jumped about 50 spots within just a couple of weeks, WOW my subscribers are awesome- I just hope to keep up the numbers.  The feedback has been awesome, and a few people have asked when I'm going to post my originals, I've been saying when I reach 100 subscribers, so I hope that happens soon, or I might have to jump the gun.

You can also follow me on Twitter (villagepanda), or Facebook (Aimee Villapando)... sorry, no Myspace, coz my inability to function on there was my whole reason for starting the Youtube Channel, lol.

Okay, but enough of the shameless self promotion, what I really want this blog to be is just the generic everyday ramblings of an "artiste" who just happens to be rockin the desk job right now instead of Hollywood and Vine- I have random thoughts, even more random dreams... and occassionally make people laugh with my even MORE random sudden outbursts.  Like yesterday, just washing my dishes in the office kitchen after lunch- a few coworkers were wrappin up, everyone was silent... I dunno what possessed me to just exclaim: "Hall & Oates is the friggin BOMB" with an excessive amount of exhuberence.  But c'mon they are.

Okay, but what I really wanna leave you with is something I heard this morning on the radio driving to work, it made me laugh out loud so hard I may have swerved dangerously into oncoming traffic for a sec... okay, so Roz and Mocha, they ARE my boys (mornings on Kiss 925, yeh I enjoy). 

They threw out the question: "Who's better, Twilight or Justin Bieber", which actually made me sick and I wanted to change the dial, but I'm glad I didn't, coz some mom called in saying they were equal... then they rephrased the question, asking "Okay, so who would win in a fight?" And clearly, she said "Okay well fine, Twilight would squash Justin Bieber"... to which they replied, "Oh yeah, and plus, Twilight is like, the undead... but you can definitely kill Justin Bieber" BWAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA.  I dunno, maybe I just have a weird sense of humour, but that friggin floored me.  Or it was the morning.  And I was in rush hour.  On my way to my desk job.

*hangs head*

Excuse me while I seek comfort with a bag of bamboo slices. 
*Panda's psychologist says: "Remember, it's just food, not love"*
*Village Panda throws a sharp pointy bamboo shoot at said psychologist, but alas, the psychologist must must be from Twilight because the intended bamboo dart has no effect*